Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Regret
What do I regret? I don’t think I regret my past. I don’t regret my mistakes. I have learned valuable lessons from every heart ache. What I do regret is not appreciating moments enough. I regret not feeling enough. I regret not allowing myself to be overcome both by joy and sadness. I regret my own repression. I regret teaching myself not to feel because when I can no longer hold it back, the pain is so much worse, the happiness so unsustainable, I wish to always feel that way. I regret imprisoning myself.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Gone and Home
As far away
from home I run
I must run
back again.
As far from God
and love and joy
I wander
without thought.
The journey back
is just as long
and feels
even longer.
Tis better, perhaps
to just not leave
the known
and comfort here.
But I seek more
than what I know
and love,
I made and I own;
and always
the journey home
brings a joy
of its own.
from home I run
I must run
back again.
As far from God
and love and joy
I wander
without thought.
The journey back
is just as long
and feels
even longer.
Tis better, perhaps
to just not leave
the known
and comfort here.
But I seek more
than what I know
and love,
I made and I own;
and always
the journey home
brings a joy
of its own.
After Christmas Candy
The dying sun fades gently sending the room into semi-darkness. The glows from the crackling fire plays across the ornaments on the Christmas tree making them shimmer. From the table in the kitchen the smell of freshly popped corn mixes with the sweet, almost sour, smell of the syrup holding the popcorn into balls. At the other end of the table are chocolates filled with a strange assortment of treats including crushed candy cane, Cheerio cereal, homemade caramel, an butterscotch chips that are too sweet for my liking.
A peaceful silence adds to the warmth of the living room. Mom is laying, stomach down, by the Christmas tree. The oil lamp sitting on the floor beside her gives off just enough light for her to read by. Her voice doesn’t cut through the silence, but seems to add to it. It’s almost like I am feeling the story that floats from her lips rather than hearing it. The younger children feel it too. Their faces are alight with excitement and anticipation but hey sit still resting their heads on Dad’s upper arms. Dad is leaning back against the soft cushions of the couch. His eyes are closed, but I know he’s listening by the way the corners of his mouth turn up into a content smile.
As I listen to the story of a Christmas long past I quietly snack on a few precious chocolates chosen from the ones on the table. The rich creamy taste of the chocolate combines smoothly with the crunchy peppermint chunks. My older sister’s head rests on my lap. This is one of those beautiful moments when her eyes shine, reflecting the colors from the tiny Christmas lights. Her hair seems to dance with the flickering fire as it continues its never ceasing choreography.
I turn to my last two siblings. Both are seated on the ground with their backs against the couch. The younger, a boy with handsome blue eyes and blonde hair, has his head on the shoulder of his older sister. Her short brown hair tickles his cheek. Her face is merry and her smile could make the hardest of hearts laugh.
The cares of any meetings, grand parties, violent snowball fights and other such activities are lost in the soft hum of that beautiful story. The excitement of the day’s candy making have long since dimmed into a peace that is so close to heaven I can almost hear the songs of glorified angels vibrating in my heart.
A peaceful silence adds to the warmth of the living room. Mom is laying, stomach down, by the Christmas tree. The oil lamp sitting on the floor beside her gives off just enough light for her to read by. Her voice doesn’t cut through the silence, but seems to add to it. It’s almost like I am feeling the story that floats from her lips rather than hearing it. The younger children feel it too. Their faces are alight with excitement and anticipation but hey sit still resting their heads on Dad’s upper arms. Dad is leaning back against the soft cushions of the couch. His eyes are closed, but I know he’s listening by the way the corners of his mouth turn up into a content smile.
As I listen to the story of a Christmas long past I quietly snack on a few precious chocolates chosen from the ones on the table. The rich creamy taste of the chocolate combines smoothly with the crunchy peppermint chunks. My older sister’s head rests on my lap. This is one of those beautiful moments when her eyes shine, reflecting the colors from the tiny Christmas lights. Her hair seems to dance with the flickering fire as it continues its never ceasing choreography.
I turn to my last two siblings. Both are seated on the ground with their backs against the couch. The younger, a boy with handsome blue eyes and blonde hair, has his head on the shoulder of his older sister. Her short brown hair tickles his cheek. Her face is merry and her smile could make the hardest of hearts laugh.
The cares of any meetings, grand parties, violent snowball fights and other such activities are lost in the soft hum of that beautiful story. The excitement of the day’s candy making have long since dimmed into a peace that is so close to heaven I can almost hear the songs of glorified angels vibrating in my heart.
Graduation Speech May 2009
For several years I have been involved in theater, first as an actress then, more recently, as a theater technician. My favorite part of theater is the lighting. When the entire auditorium is dark and I am standing in a single spotlight, it is so easy to believe that I am alone. If that circle of light made up my whole conception of the world, then I would eventually begin to feel as if I were trapped or missing something. The only way to discover more, and broaden my perception is to take a risk and ste3p out of the familiar, lit area of the spotlight into the dark. By taking that step, I might discover that I was on the edge of the stage, and I may find myself falling. I also might find that there is nothing but more stage, and to find something more interesting, I have to take further steps. Either way, by taking a blind step, I have learned more about my surroundings.
Our Heavenly Father has prepared for us “great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures.” He offers us these treasures if we trust in him enough to follow his commandments.
In the Book of Mormon, Moroni defines one simple step that can help broaden our spotlights of knowledge. “And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that you would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true.” Asking God, in theory, is a simple enough request. When confronted with the question, “Is it too much for you to take a minute or two out of your day to really get to know your God?” often the response is, “no, that’s not too much to ask,” yet, so often Heavenly Father is forgotten as we speed through daily tasks. The impact of such a simple oversight is devastating. God give us a promise, “and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.” Don’t get so stuck in your narrow spotlight that you forget there are much greater treasures outside your limited knowledge.
Another step toward treasures of knowledge is given in John 5:39 “Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life; and they are they which testify of me.” Simple stated, studying the scriptures strengthens testimony and helps us to know Christ.
Too many people are settling for what they have and who they are. They don’t realize their own power to achieve, ultimately, everything that is good in this world, let alone the eternal blessings they are capable of obtaining. They are too afraid of falling off the edge to step out of their confining spotlight into the undiscovered stage. This is where our careful study and prayer becomes so important. After we have found knowledge, what does it profit us by hoarding it, keeping it to ourselves? “For of him unto whom much is given much is required; and he who sins against the greater light shall receive the greater condemnation.” Seek out those who need your knowledge to broaden their own testimonies and find their own hidden treasures.
“Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us, we pray you in Christ’s stead, be ye reconciled to God.” I have discovered that, the greater treasures of knowledge I seek, the more able I am to be an example or an ambassador for Christ. Having an understanding of how anything in life works makes it more possible for one to move forward and make what exists better. Learn everything about your stage. Keep discovering until your entire auditorium is illuminated and the world outside the doors of your auditorium, until you have obtained your heavenly treasures and are worthy to live and progress in the presence of God.
Our Heavenly Father has prepared for us “great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures.” He offers us these treasures if we trust in him enough to follow his commandments.
In the Book of Mormon, Moroni defines one simple step that can help broaden our spotlights of knowledge. “And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that you would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true.” Asking God, in theory, is a simple enough request. When confronted with the question, “Is it too much for you to take a minute or two out of your day to really get to know your God?” often the response is, “no, that’s not too much to ask,” yet, so often Heavenly Father is forgotten as we speed through daily tasks. The impact of such a simple oversight is devastating. God give us a promise, “and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.” Don’t get so stuck in your narrow spotlight that you forget there are much greater treasures outside your limited knowledge.
Another step toward treasures of knowledge is given in John 5:39 “Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life; and they are they which testify of me.” Simple stated, studying the scriptures strengthens testimony and helps us to know Christ.
Too many people are settling for what they have and who they are. They don’t realize their own power to achieve, ultimately, everything that is good in this world, let alone the eternal blessings they are capable of obtaining. They are too afraid of falling off the edge to step out of their confining spotlight into the undiscovered stage. This is where our careful study and prayer becomes so important. After we have found knowledge, what does it profit us by hoarding it, keeping it to ourselves? “For of him unto whom much is given much is required; and he who sins against the greater light shall receive the greater condemnation.” Seek out those who need your knowledge to broaden their own testimonies and find their own hidden treasures.
“Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us, we pray you in Christ’s stead, be ye reconciled to God.” I have discovered that, the greater treasures of knowledge I seek, the more able I am to be an example or an ambassador for Christ. Having an understanding of how anything in life works makes it more possible for one to move forward and make what exists better. Learn everything about your stage. Keep discovering until your entire auditorium is illuminated and the world outside the doors of your auditorium, until you have obtained your heavenly treasures and are worthy to live and progress in the presence of God.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
The Boy Who Cried Wolf
I’m thinking today about the classic fable of the Boy Who Cried Wolf. A boy works for his village as a sheep herder. The herd was peaceful for many weeks. The boy became bored and thought he might liven up his day a bit by playing a prank on the village. He ran out of the hills and into the valley where the villagers were working, screaming all the way “Wolf! Wolf!” The villagers dropped their various projects and ran to assist the boy. Upon their arrival to the pasture they found nothing but the sheep grazing peacefully. They were good naturedly frustrated but returned to their work. The next day the boy’s work became unbearably boring again, so he repeated the stunt from the day before. Again, the villagers rushed to his aid, but they found no wolf attack. By the third day, the boy had grown addicted to this new game, while the villagers had grown wary of it. They were slow to answer his call, but they grudgingly came, even though they rightfully expected no wolf. The next day, the boy came running into town yelling for help. The men kept at their work, not feeling it worth the delay to trek up into the hills again. The women shook their heads and turned away, pretending not to hear. Not a body in the village moved to answer the shepherd boy’s call. As a result, every sheep in the flock was killed that day by a pack of ravenous wolves.
This fable has obvious daily applications, but I’ve been thinking of a less common way that it can be paralleled to relationships and parenting. A brutal downfall in modern relationships is the presence of this underlying feeling of not being good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not spiritual enough. All these, I feel, are the after effects, sometimes long after, of “the Boy Who Cried Wolf” principle. It is the nature of human beings to drown out repeated messages. Usually these messages are unnecessary because the hearer has memorized and habited the concept of the message, or because it has been recognized as unnecessary in the past and it is assumed to remain unnecessary presently. Just as the message announcing the wolf attack in the story, messages from parents, friends, and loved ones can become unheard because of unwise repetition. In the example of a parent-child relationship, children become accustomed to their mothers’ scolding and often ignore it or generate an automated response to satisfy their parent’s demands such as blurting a quick “please” after a “what should you say?”, or a “sorry” after a “go make them feel better.” These responses, despite appearing to create good habits, actually lead to insincerity. A forced “please” or “sorry” is obviously not heartfelt, and the repetition of such responses can lead to the repetition of feeling-less propriety.
On a deeper perspective, the things we say to one another affect us in ways that may not be obvious for many years. The accumulation of anything repeated is always greater than its original face-value. When a child is told they are being naughty once, they feel bad and try to change the behavior. After hearing it over and over, even if it is disguised by kind words, a child will, in a sense, build up an immune system to this particular criticism. The criticism is met with that learned automated response, which is usually the “ignore” or “delete message” button. When children, especially teenagers and young adult children, are met with excessive criticism, the results can be hugely detrimental to their futures. A child who has learned at a young age to ignore criticism because it is to frequent and to harsh will not recognize more earnest warnings. No matter what the content of the criticism is, if the child has developed an automated response, the response will be the same regardless of the severity of the action for which they are being criticized. When a child is scolded for something as simple as being five minutes late for their curfew, the automated response develops and when they are scolded for serious sins such as immorality, or illegal activity, the response will be a harshly learned ignore, or insincere apology.
This principle can apply to any type of relationship. Between a husband and wife, or boyfriend and girlfriend, it can appear in the repetitiveness of expressions of love. When the words “I love you” are used so commonly the echoing “I love you too” can become a lifeless, automated response rather than the sincere passionate reply it should be. In a friendship, the request for help and support, if taken advantage of too often and without since need, can lead to unbalance and destruction.
My suggestion, or rather, request is that we as a society strive to be less judgmental of others, even those we feel we have an obligation to teach, and especially those we feel we have an obligation to guide back to the right path. We must consider the effect our words will have, not only in the present moment, but years down the road. We must consider if the reasons we are criticizing are worth the consequence. Let not our children remember that we made fun of them for being overweight in their youth, or that they were told they were too sensitive, or that they were too boisterous, too flawed. Let not our loves remember us criticizing their intelligence, their methods of expressing love, and especially not their parenting abilities. And let not our friends remember us as the ones who made them feel inferior or used. This is not the legacy God would have us leave for the generations to come.
Let us learn to not speak without sincerity. Let us learn to forgive the little things, so that when the big trials come we have not burned bridges that separate us from those we love. Satan is strongest when we are isolated. Finally, let us not unknowingly scar those we love by not recognizing the impact our words have on them.
This fable has obvious daily applications, but I’ve been thinking of a less common way that it can be paralleled to relationships and parenting. A brutal downfall in modern relationships is the presence of this underlying feeling of not being good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not spiritual enough. All these, I feel, are the after effects, sometimes long after, of “the Boy Who Cried Wolf” principle. It is the nature of human beings to drown out repeated messages. Usually these messages are unnecessary because the hearer has memorized and habited the concept of the message, or because it has been recognized as unnecessary in the past and it is assumed to remain unnecessary presently. Just as the message announcing the wolf attack in the story, messages from parents, friends, and loved ones can become unheard because of unwise repetition. In the example of a parent-child relationship, children become accustomed to their mothers’ scolding and often ignore it or generate an automated response to satisfy their parent’s demands such as blurting a quick “please” after a “what should you say?”, or a “sorry” after a “go make them feel better.” These responses, despite appearing to create good habits, actually lead to insincerity. A forced “please” or “sorry” is obviously not heartfelt, and the repetition of such responses can lead to the repetition of feeling-less propriety.
On a deeper perspective, the things we say to one another affect us in ways that may not be obvious for many years. The accumulation of anything repeated is always greater than its original face-value. When a child is told they are being naughty once, they feel bad and try to change the behavior. After hearing it over and over, even if it is disguised by kind words, a child will, in a sense, build up an immune system to this particular criticism. The criticism is met with that learned automated response, which is usually the “ignore” or “delete message” button. When children, especially teenagers and young adult children, are met with excessive criticism, the results can be hugely detrimental to their futures. A child who has learned at a young age to ignore criticism because it is to frequent and to harsh will not recognize more earnest warnings. No matter what the content of the criticism is, if the child has developed an automated response, the response will be the same regardless of the severity of the action for which they are being criticized. When a child is scolded for something as simple as being five minutes late for their curfew, the automated response develops and when they are scolded for serious sins such as immorality, or illegal activity, the response will be a harshly learned ignore, or insincere apology.
This principle can apply to any type of relationship. Between a husband and wife, or boyfriend and girlfriend, it can appear in the repetitiveness of expressions of love. When the words “I love you” are used so commonly the echoing “I love you too” can become a lifeless, automated response rather than the sincere passionate reply it should be. In a friendship, the request for help and support, if taken advantage of too often and without since need, can lead to unbalance and destruction.
My suggestion, or rather, request is that we as a society strive to be less judgmental of others, even those we feel we have an obligation to teach, and especially those we feel we have an obligation to guide back to the right path. We must consider the effect our words will have, not only in the present moment, but years down the road. We must consider if the reasons we are criticizing are worth the consequence. Let not our children remember that we made fun of them for being overweight in their youth, or that they were told they were too sensitive, or that they were too boisterous, too flawed. Let not our loves remember us criticizing their intelligence, their methods of expressing love, and especially not their parenting abilities. And let not our friends remember us as the ones who made them feel inferior or used. This is not the legacy God would have us leave for the generations to come.
Let us learn to not speak without sincerity. Let us learn to forgive the little things, so that when the big trials come we have not burned bridges that separate us from those we love. Satan is strongest when we are isolated. Finally, let us not unknowingly scar those we love by not recognizing the impact our words have on them.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
For Breezy
Before there were boyfriends,
there were best friends.
When the man comes,
the best friends slip into the shadows of life,
to emerge only when God sees a need for more than man.
She translates the madness
that comes from man
and calms the confusion of dreams.
With confidence charged and love explained,
she sends me back to my man.
there were best friends.
When the man comes,
the best friends slip into the shadows of life,
to emerge only when God sees a need for more than man.
She translates the madness
that comes from man
and calms the confusion of dreams.
With confidence charged and love explained,
she sends me back to my man.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
God's Love
The world would have us believe that love has many meanings, or degrees, ranging from common love like "I love this movie" to the profound eternal love that is described in John 15:13 "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." These degrees of love are a construction of mankind and are not of God. There is one love and the rest are all substitutes. God gives us the ultimate example of eternal love in John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." In return for this love, God does not ask for equal reconciliation. He will not require us to pay our debt in full and, with a stamp of completion, send us on our way alone. It can never be fully repaid. What, then does this say about eternal love? Godly love does not ask to be repaid. A beautiful description of Godly love is in Moroni 7:45, "And charity suffereth long, and it kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things." This Godly love is unknown to the world. The media displays love as nearly the opposite of this charity. Verbal abuse is popular, along with jealousy and disloyalty. Charity also takes a backseat to pride, lust, and fame. It is believed and portrayed that love requires a certain amount of dishonesty, because they claim the truth would destroy a relationship. Perhaps the worst deception of all is that true love does not endure to the end. Divorce is more common, in media, than marriage. God called me specifically to be a lover of his children. When he said "Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God (1 John 4:7)," love changed from the mock love that is Hollywood romance to something that will exist eternally after all the world and it's false ideals are forgotten.
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