My Fatal Flaw

The last few weeks I have been reading the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series. In it, they often emphasize the fatal flaws of the characters. It made me think a lot about my own flaws and which one could lead to my destruction. I think, right now, my pride and independence is that flaw. I have a seemingly innate need to prove that I am a capable and strong adult. Lately, I have felt that, the more I desire to be independent, the more I am forced to depend on others. For example, financially, I have struggled and struggled. I do not feel that it is a result of my own frivolity, but simply because of a series of unexpected necessary expenses. My car broke down several times in the last six months. I have had to pay for a new computer. I have had to borrow money for school because I no longer qualify for enough financial aid to cover tuition. None of these were my fault, but I feel like, in a way, these trials were God’s way of teaching me that it is not only okay, but good to rely on the people who love me for help. Satan’s war is against God’s plan. That plan is centered on family relationships and eternal marriage. It only makes sense that Satan would use my fatal flaw, my desire for independence, to convince me that relying on another person, especially a man, is dangerous and weak. He uses society and media to plant the idea that women should be strong masters of men. A lot of the TV shows I watch portray women as single, or divorced. These women control men like they are lesser intelligences. Their tenderness is repressed, that tenderness that is God’s gift to women, that makes women special and sacred. Besides TV, school, work, and even my own family, all encourage strength and independence. I remember my dad saying to me one day at the dinner table “You’re crying again? Why don’t you just stop?” when I had had a really emotional day. I know guys aren’t wired to cry over every stupid thing like girls are, so he probably didn’t understand what that meant to me. Still, I felt like he was telling me to repress my emotions and don’t let people see my weaknesses. That way, I can deal with them on my own in private. At work, even though I love my job, one of the first things I learned was that the students can sense my mood and they can eat me alive if I show weakness. Living with roommates was really hard on me because I didn’t ever have a completely private place where I could relieve my emotions.